Kate Barber

Humans weren’t built to live like this.

For most of our history, being needed wasn’t a question. You had a role. Someone depended on you. Your absence mattered in real, immediate ways.

Belonging wasn’t abstract. It was practical.

Now, most of us are surrounded by people and still unsure where we fit.

The Tribal Gap

In a tribe, you were needed because you contributed. You gathered, protected, taught, healed, carried knowledge. Your value wasn’t measured in likes or productivity—it was felt in daily life.

Modern life doesn’t work that way.

Roles shift quickly. Systems absorb us. Tasks get automated. Communities loosen. We’re connected, but interchangeable.

And something in us notices.

Not consciously at first. Just a quiet sense that we’re no longer essential in the way humans evolved to be.

What We Do When Belonging Gets Thin

When that tribal sense of being needed disappears, we don’t just shrug it off.

We look for substitutes.

Work becomes identity.

Busyness becomes worth.

Distraction becomes relief.

And sometimes, numbing becomes coping.

Addiction, overconsumption, control, constant stimulation—they’re often less about pleasure and more about filling a gap where purpose used to live.

Not because people are weak, but because they’re human and the structure that once held them is gone.

The Cost of Disconnection

Without a clear sense of role, people drift.

They feel unnecessary.

Replaceable.

Untethered.

Even in families. Even in communities. Even among people who care.

We weren’t meant to earn belonging.

We were meant to live inside it.

Why I’m Writing This

This space exists because I think many of us are carrying a kind of quiet grief.

Not for something we lost suddenly, but for something we were never taught how to replace—the feeling of being needed in a real, human way.

This isn’t about going backward or romanticizing the past.

It’s about recognizing that our wiring hasn’t changed, even if our world has.

And asking what it might look like to rebuild meaning, connection, and responsibility in ways that actually fit who we are.

Not a solution.

Just a starting place.

The Need to be Needed